In quintessential triviality for years in this fleshcase a shesoul dwelt.

my friend josh, the second josh i know, said, you can love more than one person.

i am starting, kind of, to believe that might be possible. 

of course, no two loves are the same, are they?  would you really have taken me to where nobody knows me and nobody gives a damn?  i would have loved that infinitely, for i wish i wasn't even here.

today i will start reading Lorraine Hansbury's "A Raisin in the Sun."  I've read it before.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?
--_HUGHES

I'd say it both explodes, silently, and is very, very heavy.

i had a horrible migraine last night, the kind that feels like a bomb right between the eyes, the kind that makes it hurt to look out of your sockets, that kind that makes you sick to look, on the verge of vomiting, but you just can't.  last night i dreamed we broke into a very tall tower, where a ninja king, shredder, and his goonies rocksteady the rhinoman and bebop the warthog guy prowled the halls. what happened was there was a bunch of kids i was with, and we broke into the tall tower and finally, after much stair climbing and struggle, and fighting with weird black creatures, reached a room where if you put on a ninja turtle mask, you transformed into the turtle.  for some reason, instead of donatello being purple, he was yellow.  naturally, i chose to transform into raphael.  except at the very end, some other kid got to raphael first, so i was forced to be leonardo...the leader.  i didn't know if i was ready to accept that great undertaking.  finally, the very last room in the tower was full of black ninjas and not one, but two shredders.  i think one was a decoy, of course.  i couldn't really handle leonardo's sword very well.  i couldn't impale anyone.  i just ended up chopping off their limbs and cutting meat off their bodies while they were still alive.  it was pretty horrifying. then came the great battle to the death between me and the real shredder. we were flying.  we flipped out the tower window so that we were swordfighting on the clouds.  i knocked off shredder's helmet and he had a skull for a face.  i sliced flesh from shredder's arms, rivers of blood were running down his chest and arms.  i stabbed and sliced but he wouldn't die.  finally i left him crumpled in the corner of the room.  gradually the tower returned to its normal state, a huge office building filled with asian people.  a world trade center of sorts.  shredder's emaciated body still dwelled in the basement of the building.  so i returned to eradicate him.  this time, it would be on my own.  no power of leonardo to help me.  i snuck into the bottom of the building.  graffiti spattered the walls.  i found what remained of shredder clinging to the wall.  he had a spider's body and skull head.  it was pathetic.  he scared the shit out of me.  he had kind of a normal room, with a microwave and a bed, and a tv.  on the window sill he even had a super nintendo game--the one where mario can turn into a raccoon, if i remember correctly.  i start ransacking shredder's apartment. i broke all his shit and threw his tv onto the ground and shattered it. again i stabbed and sliced and fucking attacked shredder with all my might.  we flew out the window and suddenly we were by a bell tower, like the one at my school, dueling in the clouds, near the clockface. hours and hours went by, i stabbed shredder through the face, and i walked off, and he morphed into all kinds of characters, and he followed me down alleys, and it became clear that he wouldn't die.  it was at this point that i think it was a lucid dream, because i knew i was dreaming but i couldn't get out of it, and shredder kept following me and attacking me, and i was scared as hell.  i threw shredder off a building but i turned a corner and there he was, as a little black girl with bright-colored hair beads.  it was like a painting by some surrealist, i don't know, the way the angles of the buildings fit but didn't, like one of those 3D illusions.  i was getting scared shitless because shredder wouldn't fucking die and i thought he was going to kill me but finally i woke up.  i really want to go to the zoo.  speaking of turtles i went to the lake and saw this fucking giant turtle that looked like an alligator because it was so fucking big.  it was some kind of snapping turtle.  also speaking of shredder and his goons, i found out that this rickie lee jones song i really like, "rock steady" is originally a steely dan song, which makes me feel a little bit better about steely dan.  they're still hilarious.  especially the song "bodhisattva."  "The sparkle of your China" just makes me think it is code for "the sparkle of your vagina."  you know, it would be cool to be like krang. just a brain separted from your body, and live forever.  or maybe not.